Colon Cancer Scare - I remember when the doctor told me there was a possibility that I had colon cancer. I had met, supported and lost several very good friends to breast cancer. I thought I was super strong. However, the strength is not the same when its your name written beside that word.
Church Hurt and Deceit - When I gave everything I had. Physical, Mental, Spiritual, Emotional and yes, Financially. When I did everything I could within my natural power. Only to learn some things I spoke in confidence were later repeated and I walked up on the conversation. Therefore, no-one had to tell me, I heard it for myself.
Office Betrayal - When I committed myself to the appointed call on my professional life. When I did an excellent job. I not only managed to be successful in carrying out my own responsibilities, I had to carry the weight of the team. Yes, I was the leader but sometimes I felt as though I was the leader and the followers. I had to do work that was not my assignment. I begged and cried for help, only to be ignored.
Deceitful Friendships - I had friends who I honestly thought had my back. I was dating a guy; and yes, I was all in. Unfortunately, he was not that into me. One of my friends knew what was happening but didn't tell me. She watched me get hurt, she laughed at my situation and thought we were going to be close again. Girl Bye!
The list goes on, but I think you get a good idea as to how I lost focus. I did not want to feel what I was feeling but I did. Today, I am sharing with you because someone is having or has had some of these same experiences. I want you to know that God was always by my side. Even though I did not feel Him, He was there. There are several scriptures that emphasize this. First, Joshua 1:9, " Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest."
My fear wasn't because God wasn't there. My fear was because I took my eyes off God. If only I had continued to focus on Psalm 119:105, "Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path." I am certain some stress would have been alleviated.
I want to encourage you, don't let the devil scare you into thinking that God is not real. God is very real and so are His promises. Stay focused and stay grounded, and always remember even when you can't see or feel His presence, God is in the midst of your situation.
None of my experiences were because God let me down, they were all because I let God down. I often think about how different things would have been if I had handled each situation different. At this point, it is really not important. What is important though is that I learned the lesson; and the lesson is found in Psalm 121, "I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth. He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber. Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.The Lord is thy keeper: the Lord is thy shade upon thy right hand.The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.The Lord shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore."