For some people, that would have been an invitation to not only give in but to give up. Don't get me wrong, it was enticing to me as well. However, I was standing on God's promise in Romans 12:19, "Dearly beloved (Tonia), avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord." because I knew He was going to come through for me.
I was already sure of my fate. I just did not know when, where, or how it was going to come. I just knew it was going to come. But, in order for me to get what God had planned for me, I had to be willing to go through the storms. But, as a mother I can imagine how it must have made her feel to see me coming home stressed and depressed every day. I can imagine in her heart of hearts, she just wanted to fix it for me and make the anguish go away.
Unfortunately, this was bigger than any issue a mother could resolve. The kleenex would only wipe the tears away but the pain and anguish would still be there. You see, each day I had to get up and face the enemy, not knowing what I would go through on any given day.
But, I could not give up and certainly wasn't going to give in. I had no choice but to disobey my mother and walk in the faith that I had established and professed to God. Did it bother me to see my mother disturbed absolutely but this wasn't about adding more on her. This was about all of the people who were watching me walk through this, including my mother.
Don't get me wrong, I had every opportunity to tuck my tail and run/ But remember what the Bible tells us in Psalm 23, "The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever"; and believe me, I had to recite this multiple times on any given day just to get through.
All I want to suggest today is that you get the people out of your ear. Sometimes the people we love don't share the same level of faith we have. Sometimes the people we love will try with all they have to convince you to do the very opposite of what God has shared with you, and what you believe. Sometimes when we make the mistake of listening, things don't turn out as well as they could have or even would have if we had only been obedient to God.
And keep in mind, when we listen and things don't work out well, all we've done is given them their next topic of conversation. You know, if only she would have, or why didn't she. Not to mention the I told her not to's along with the if it was me, I would's. Hear me when I tell you. As long as your obedience and loyalty is to God, ain't no devil in hell can punish you for being disobedient to others.
By all means, make sure you stay connected to God before you make this decision. It is a lonely place to be and therefore, I have decided to rest in His promises for they are truly comfort for my soul.