Dear God, first I want to ask you to please forgive me. I jumped up so quickly out of bed this morning all I could do was say thank you; and even though thank you is good enough because I acknowledged you for awakening me, it's not good enough for me. For me, it seems very disrespectful and ungrateful to just say thank you to the one person who has always been there with and for me. So, God will you please forgive me.
Some days Lord even though we know better, we allow other people and things to happen that causes us to take our focus off of you. God, you are all I have; and in this season, I need you more than I ever have before. It is so hard to adjust to life as it changes right before our eyes. I said to one of my good friends the other day, "I don't want to do life any more"; and he immediately corrected me. He told me to say, "I never knew life would be this difficult." But. what he doesn't understand is for me, life has always been difficult. I am amazed myself that I am even still here to submit this post today. The only thing I can attribute it to is the fact God that your grace and mercy would not allow Satan to take me out, all of the many times he tried. Some days Lord it is clear to me what I should be doing to honor you. But then Lord there are those days when I am completely clueless about what it is I should be doing. Sometimes I honestly don't know if I should continue or if I should just stop. Believe it or not God, I know that there is ministry inside of me. I just don't know when, where, or even how to move forward in it. Some days God I don't want to do anything but lay in my bed, with the lights out and the covers over my head. God this has nothing to do with you. Nothing at all because I know if it wasn't for you, I would definitely not be here today; and I would especially not be in this place in my life. So today Lord I am praying that my heart; and the heart of the person reading this who feels the same way will be healed. We have poured out so much to so many that life has left us drained and depleted. give us strength, courage, and wisdom to be able to continue doing your work. Even when we are not clear on what the assignment really is. God you are great and God you are good. Therefore, I am counting on you to make a way in our lives today. Keep true to your promise of peace that passes all understanding. God we don't have to know what or when, we just need to know you; because you are the one who makes all things new. In Jesus name. Amen Though my heart hurts and I'm trying to move on, I will never forget to honor the memory of my father. So, check this out. His little girl wearing her pearls. I will wear pearls everyday this month. 03/20/1949 Charles Thomas Wilcox 12/18/2014 Dear God,
Thank you for awakening me this morning; and for allowing me to see another day. It truly is a blessing to be able to see, hear, taste, touch, and smell. It is a blessing to be able to use my hands and arms; feet and legs. Regardless to what is happening in my life or around me right now, I know that you are God and you are God alone. For some reason Lord, I feel this spirit of heaviness and depression today. We have had this discussion before and I know that you are aware of what I am going through. But to be honest God, I would like to know why does it keep coming back to me? What am I doing wrong? What am I doing that I should not be doing? What am I not doing that I should be doing? I trust you. I believe your word when you tell me to "and the God of peace shall bruise Satan under your feet shortly" romans 16:20a. Lord, if you don't mind, may I ask what is shortly? This seems like a lifetime for me and I am really getting worn out. I know your ways are not my ways and your thoughts are not my thoughts. So, I do understand but God please hear my heart. I am so tired. God I honor your word today. As it is written in Colossians 3:15, "Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful." I am thankful God. Hurting but thankful. Confused but thankful. Lonely but thankful; and please know God that no matter what I have to face, I am always thankful. In Jesus name. Amen! If you are one of my regular supporters, you know it has been a minute since I posted. I can't explain why but, I can tell you I was being obedient. For some reason, I had nothing to say, so I said nothing. But today I want to thank you for not giving up on me. I want to thank you for understanding my personality conflicts and for continuing to support and pray with and for me.
Today I am in my feelings, as the younger generation says, very strongly. I don't know why I feel lonely and unloved today but unfortunately, I do. Even though I know God is with me and his presence is all around me; right now, I honestly don't feel it. It's not that I don't believe he's not there, it's simply that I don't feel his presence right now. I believe his word when he tells us in Philippians 4:6, "Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God." But let's be honest, there are times when we know without doubt we have been obedient. Yet, it seems like the one thing we desire is being withheld from us. I accept that sometimes God requires us to wait on some things. I get that. But being the human I am, I have been waiting a long time. Honestly, I have been waiting so long that I almost am about to believe it's not for me. You all know, I am single and my heart's desire is to become the Proverbs 31 wife. I know somewhere in this world, there is a Boaz just watching me but for some reason the time for our paths to cross has not happened yet. I don't just want a husband. I've had one of those (sinful confession is) …. he was someone else's husband. That is no longer who I am or who I want to be. I want to be the wife to one husband who wants to be a husband to one wife. Sometimes I worry that I will get old and be alone. I don't want that either. I simply want to be able to prove to someone that I am worthy. I am capable of loving and worthy of being loved back. To be honest, I am not clear on what the issue is. Perhaps I frighten them away. Perhaps my standards are too high; or not high enough. I just don't know. What I do know is I am having a hard time processing these feelings today. Maybe its because we're coming up on the holiday season; and maybe it's because I miss my dad. Either way, I don't know what to do. So today, I am asking you if you will lift me in prayer. Pray against this spirit of heaviness that has me confused right now. Please ask God on my behalf to help me to hold out. Please ask God on my behalf to help me hear and do whatever he has for me in this season; and when you do, I will ask him to bless you to. My day has been awesome thus far. It has been in fast forward from the moment I got out of my bed. I am so happy I took the time to tell God thank you for this day. Otherwise, I may be writing a different post right now.
I am so excited about what I am feeling around me. At this very moment, in this very hour I genuinely feel God's presence. He has worked out so much for me already; and I have only been awake for 5.5 hours. My work day was packed with testing. 4 sessions for one test; and 4 sessions for a different test, in a different location. But God. I want you all to know that both sessions successfully worked out and I have time to share. I just had to stop and take a moment to ask you all to stop moving so fast. Take a few minutes to look and listen. There is a shift in the atmosphere. Before you know it, your position is going to change. Matthew 19:30 says, "But many that are first shall be last; and the last shall be first." This scripture is referencing so many positions in our lives; and it does not give us an advantage to eternal life. Not only that, God can and will change situations suddenly. I suggest you position yourself. Don't be discouraged by what you see or read in the news or on TV. God is still in control. If he said the first shall be last, then the first shall be last. Don't get discouraged because it seems like someone around you is moving through life bigger and better than you. If he said the last shall be first, then the last shall be first. Take your position, it's up to you. Will you be first or will you be last. Simply put, God does not bless us based on our positions. God does not bless us based on our bank accounts. God does not bless us based on who we are or used to be married to. God does not bless us based on our last name. Therefore, you should not be feeling any way other than sad for #45. God is shifting this atmosphere right before our eyes. I am so encouraged as I write this because even when the enemy tried to kill me on 8/25/2019, increased medical bills, and even some scrutiny from my adversaries, God has again come through for me. He has provided for the additional expenses through streams of revenue that were simply habits and/or hobbies for me. Hear my heart as I speak this. I am not telling you this to brag. I'm telling you to testify. The word of God tells us in Revelation 12:11, "And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death." If you do not take away anything else from this post today, take this. A testimony is not bragging. It is a story of what God has done for you. It is not for us to keep to ourselves, it is for us to share; and in sharing, we are pouring strength into each other. We are helping someone be content in their present situation because they know, trust, and believe that God is and will come through for them too. So what someone thinks you are bragging about who you used to be. Thank God you're not that person any more. As I am sure you can tell if you have been hanging out with me for a while, I get real excited when I get ready to share. Why? Because I know that the God I serve will always come through for me. Philippians 4:19, "But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. Be encouraged, whatever you are being challenged with today. God is right there with you. You may not see him; you may not even feel him. But trust me when I tell you, he is right there. How do I know? Because his word says so. "for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee." Hebrews 13:5b Today is a great day to let the Lord know how grateful I am for all he is doing. There was a time, when I honestly did not feel the presence of God in my life. I felt God had forgotten that I even existed. But when I look back over my life today, I can clearly identify the times when it was God who made a way for me. God has always been by my side. He has always made good on his promise to never leave me or forsake me. It was me who had the issue. For those of you who may not know, I used to be very impatient. I used to be an I want it and I want it now girl. It wasn't until I was forced to have to wait on God. For example, I would apply for jobs that I know without doubt that I was the best candidate. But God said, wait. I truly did not understand why God was making me wait when I knew I was the one. Now that I have grown I know now that God made me wait because the thing(s) I wanted were not the things I needed. You see, if you have or if you are reading my book, there were so many things I wanted. Yes, I wanted some of those things so badly I began to think I needed them. However, I could not have been wronger. The very things I wanted turned out to be the very things God used only to catapult me into the things he wanted me to have. For example, I dated a guy who to be honest was genuinely a good guy. Unfortunately, after five years of dating, he found someone he liked better. Even though it broke my heart, what he did not know was that God used him to begin my season of reciprocity. While I am not proud of creating issues in someone else's marriage, what I am proud of is when I finally came to my senses I went back to her and repented for the hurt and pain I had caused. Even though, I was not the aggressor in this situation, I was a willing participant. Don't judge me, many of us have done the same thing, both male and female; and the truth is we degraded ourselves because inside of us, we didn't think we deserved better. There are many grateful moments in this situation. First, God allowed me to come out ALIVE. God used the person who I thought would me my Mr. to help me in a way to this day, he still does not get. Finally, God has allowed my path to cross with a very kind and gentle man who yes, has his issues but at least he's single. Not only that, to my cousins who may be reading this ya'll know Grandma and Grand-daddy Hunt always had a way with words. I can remember hearing grandma say one day, "when you begin reaping, you are going to know exactly what seed you plant." Check, that was right. "When you reap, you are going to reap exactly what you sowed." Check, that was right; and finally, "when you begin reaping, you are going to reap more than you sowed." Check, Check, Check. That was right; with extra credit. And ya'll know grand-daddy had his way as well. I remember him telling one of my cousins, who had met, fell in love with, and was just over the top over this guy. My grand-daddy told her, "Baby, you better eat him while your stomach can take him; cause after while, you won't be able to stand him." Oh my God were they both right. Even though we have all had our experiences in life, whether good or bad, God was always the one who made a way. For me personally, he opened and closed doors. He provided when no one else would "loan" me what I needed just to make it; and right now, he's mending my broken heart and wiping away my tears. God is truly the love of my life, the best thing that has ever happened to me. The best decision I have ever made. So today, all I want to say is God I thank you because you made a way. Like the lyrics in the song, when my back was against the wall and it looked as if it was over, you made a way. Don't know why but I'm grateful! Philippians 1:6, "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Today I say thank you God for completing the good work you began in me. From the Pit to the Palace: A Testimony of Faith, Forgiveness, and Freedom is a mission accomplished. To God be the glory for turning this dream into reality. For those who did not believe it was going to happen, I accept your apology. For those who prayed against it, I accept your apology, for those who helped create the experiences, thank you so much; and for those helped and/or did not help or support me, thank you. As you can see, this was never about your nor me. It was all about obedience to God. Several years ago a vey good friend of mine and I were having a discussion at work one day; and he stated "Ms. Lashley, when this is over, we will all be able to write a book about it." To conclude our discussion that day, we agreed my title would be "From the Pit to the Palace"; and so it is. I want each of you to know that when we surrender our will for God's will in our lives, things will begin to happen. Never in a million years did I want anyone to know what was hiding underneath the cute little dresses I would often wear. I had to maintain my image. You know, the one I created and not the one he created me in. What does that mean you may ask. It simply means instead of me being willing to walk in the image that God created, the one like him, I decided one day I was going to do things my way. I wanted instantaneous results. I wanted the blessings but not the beating. I wanted the peace but not the chaos. I wanted the finances but not the lack. I wanted to be loved but didn't want to forget what others had done to me. But thanks to God he allowed me to see me and give me time to repent before my last breath. Every day he speaks to my heart and lets me know that I am his child. I am the one he chose for this moment at this time. I am the one he used to prove to all of those who did not or do not believe that truly all things are possible when we trust and believe in him. Therefore, like the old cliché "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade"; I have and I will continue to do just that. If I had known then the lives I would touch through my brokenness, I may not would have cried as much. However, I believe the tears I cried were used to water and fertilize the rose that he so graciously let me blossom into. October 5, 2019 is a date that will be etched in my heart forever. I couldn't help but to admit that was the first time in my life I had felt so much love. Some people who I expected to show did not show of course but it did not stop what God had planned for that night; and only he knows the reason(s) they did not show and to be honest, it is well. I told my sister October 5, 2019 was a two word day for me. It was a "defining moment". Many true colors, as we often refer to them, were revealed. But honestly, all is well because God did not let one minute of the three designated hours go without someone inspiring, encouraging and loving on me. To God be the glory. There were some people who attended that never in a million years did I even suspect I meant anything to them. Much less, enough that they would support the pouring out of my soul. The emptying of my spirit and the embracing of the magnificent thing god has done in my life. I will forever be humbled. My one mission in life is to let women know how valuable you really are. There is genuinely no one else who can do what you are doing right now. Don't be like me and spend decades of your life trying to figure out on your own what God had worked out before you ever entered into the world. Remember he tells us in Jeremiah 1:5,"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." It is a taste of Job 13:15, where Job, in the vortex of such great sufferings, makes this beautiful declaration of allegiance to God: “Though he slay me, I will hope in him.” By no means does such praise mean the pain is lessened. The hurt is every bit as real.
In the name of our Father Jesus Christ Lord I come to you at this very moment in this very hour to thank you for not allowing me to loose my mind. My heart has been hurt so badly at times that I found it difficult to breath. But being the loving and caring father that you are; you breathed life right back into my nostrils. You looked down on me and said, your work is not done. There is so much more I desire from you. There is so much more I need you to do. So today God I want to say to you, "I am willing to do what ever you need me to do." So what if I loose a friend or two. If they walk away from me because of you then it confirms I should not have been dealing with them anyway. So what it cost me an hour or two of sleep. The enemy is trying to keep me awake all night any way. Nevertheless God I know that you will restore everything in my life the enemy thought he had stolen. It's awfully sad when you are a criminal but it's even sadder when you are a criminal and don't know that God has the master plan. Thank you Heavenly father for guiding my every footstep. Thank you father for ordering my steps. Most importantly, thank you God for using me to help someone else who does not know where to begin. Lord, I want to be nothing but a blessing to your people. I want them to know that even though their life may be in "pieces" right now that as long as they continue to trust you, you can make "peace" out of those "pieces". There are some days Lord when I struggle. I struggle with doing the right things, saying the right things but I have experienced that even in the do right struggles God, I have learned that only what we do for you will stand. I'm not interested in accolades and I'm not interested in rewards. What I am most interested in is hearing you say, "well done my faithful servant, you can come on in." Should my feet slip today Lord do as you have always done; pick them up and place them right back in place. Should my tongue get out of control today; do as you have always done, bridle it that I may not lose my soul. Should I need to press my way today Lord let your strength be my strength. All I want Lord is forever with you. In Jesus name. Amen! Dear Heavenly Father, Today I just want to say thank you for choosing me. Often times in my life I always asked the question, "Lord, why me." Then one day a good friend of mine told me that I had been chosen for these tasks because you trust me. You knew before I was ever confronted with the issues that I would be able to carry them gracefully. Not just that, you also knew that when the battle was over, you would get the glory. Thank you God for trusting me to be able to handle the issues that I have come up against in my life. Although there have been many times when I wanted to give up and throw in the towel but God, you were right there. You were there to catch the towel, throw it back and allow me to get back in the game. I don't know what else you have in store for me to do; but whatever it is I will accept it knowing that you have already equipped me for the journey. God, I want you to use me. I want you to allow me to do your work so that it makes you proud of me. Thank you god for believing in me; and thank you God for trusting me. Help me Lord to remain committed to the challenge. Help me Lord to be strong enough to get through the test; and most importantly help me Lord not to forget to give you all of the glory. Thank you in advance for answering my prayer. In Jesus name I pray. Amen! |
In Memory of: Charles T. Wilcox
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