If you have been following me from the onset of this project, you clearly are aware that there is no shame in my game. I'm not concerned about how people feel about me. It doesn't matter what you think of me. Other than walking in the favor of God, and doing what he has assigned me to do, the only other important thing in my life is me, me, and yes, me.
I've had my share and part of some other people's share of hurt, pain and disappointment; and like many, I've managed to cover it very well. On the outside I might add. You see, when you have internal injuries there is no way for those looking at us to know unless we tell them. Finally, I have decided it's time to be real. It's time to be transparent and it's time to stop hurting Tonia trying to please others.
You all already know as much about me as there really is to tell. But, what you don't know is I have been holding inside a level of pain that is unimaginable. I try so hard to do the right things. Until this last encounter with someone who I thought was who they portrayed themselves to be until they whipped out the whammy on me.
Honey when I tell you the green started pouring from their eyes onto my already fragile little heart, I had to quickly step back. You see, purple (royalty) is my favorite color; and green (envy) doesn't look good on me. In 50 years, I have never wanted to accept that someone is or can be jealous of me. What do I have? Who am I? Where am I going? Lord, forgive me. As I just wrote that statement, I heard the spirit of the Lord say to me you have everything you need to get from where you are to where I am taking you. You are my child and you are headed to your destiny. Thank you Jesus for confirmation of righteous living.
Righteous living does not mean I am doing everything right; that would be perfect living. Righteous living is knowing, believing, and obeying the word of God; and if I may add, to the maximum extent humanly possible. The rest is left up to him.
Therefore today, I am not ashamed to let you all know that no matter what I have going on in my life, I need the Lord. Just like the song says, "I can't even walk without him holding my hand"; and I want you to know that no matter how low I go, he is right there. Whether I lean left, he's there. Whether I lean right, he's there.
It used to bother me when I wasn't accepted. It used to bother me when I was rejected. Even when I tried and got disappointed, it used to bother me. But now thanks be unto the might God I serve, it now rolls off my back like water on a duck's back. I'm trying to help someone. As long as you are good with God, that's all that matters. You see, God already knows where, where, how, why and to what extent we're going to mess us. So to hell with what other people may think.
I make no apology for saying, "to hell with what other people may think." Why, because for an imperfect person to stand in judgment of another imperfect person is a trick of the enemy that comes directly from and can return directly to the pits of hell from which it originated.
I am no longer ashamed to address issues as they arise. People are people and I can't help or change what they may say or do. But, what I can do with 100% certainty is control how I let it affect me. With that being said, I have shifted back to an old saying I used to have. Sometimes people irritate me so bad, "they just need to get got"; and if I am going to save my own mental health, guard my own life, and take back what the devil has stolen, some people will get got.
Always remember, no matter how hard you try, there are some things in life that are inevitable; and one of those things is if you continue to try to hold things in a container that is already full, eventually it is going to pop. That's where I am right now; and that is why I have chosen to take the lid off and let some of the garbage out. My challenge for you today is that you do the same. Take care of yourself. You are the only you you have and nobody is going to love you like you love you.
I've had my share and part of some other people's share of hurt, pain and disappointment; and like many, I've managed to cover it very well. On the outside I might add. You see, when you have internal injuries there is no way for those looking at us to know unless we tell them. Finally, I have decided it's time to be real. It's time to be transparent and it's time to stop hurting Tonia trying to please others.
You all already know as much about me as there really is to tell. But, what you don't know is I have been holding inside a level of pain that is unimaginable. I try so hard to do the right things. Until this last encounter with someone who I thought was who they portrayed themselves to be until they whipped out the whammy on me.
Honey when I tell you the green started pouring from their eyes onto my already fragile little heart, I had to quickly step back. You see, purple (royalty) is my favorite color; and green (envy) doesn't look good on me. In 50 years, I have never wanted to accept that someone is or can be jealous of me. What do I have? Who am I? Where am I going? Lord, forgive me. As I just wrote that statement, I heard the spirit of the Lord say to me you have everything you need to get from where you are to where I am taking you. You are my child and you are headed to your destiny. Thank you Jesus for confirmation of righteous living.
Righteous living does not mean I am doing everything right; that would be perfect living. Righteous living is knowing, believing, and obeying the word of God; and if I may add, to the maximum extent humanly possible. The rest is left up to him.
Therefore today, I am not ashamed to let you all know that no matter what I have going on in my life, I need the Lord. Just like the song says, "I can't even walk without him holding my hand"; and I want you to know that no matter how low I go, he is right there. Whether I lean left, he's there. Whether I lean right, he's there.
It used to bother me when I wasn't accepted. It used to bother me when I was rejected. Even when I tried and got disappointed, it used to bother me. But now thanks be unto the might God I serve, it now rolls off my back like water on a duck's back. I'm trying to help someone. As long as you are good with God, that's all that matters. You see, God already knows where, where, how, why and to what extent we're going to mess us. So to hell with what other people may think.
I make no apology for saying, "to hell with what other people may think." Why, because for an imperfect person to stand in judgment of another imperfect person is a trick of the enemy that comes directly from and can return directly to the pits of hell from which it originated.
I am no longer ashamed to address issues as they arise. People are people and I can't help or change what they may say or do. But, what I can do with 100% certainty is control how I let it affect me. With that being said, I have shifted back to an old saying I used to have. Sometimes people irritate me so bad, "they just need to get got"; and if I am going to save my own mental health, guard my own life, and take back what the devil has stolen, some people will get got.
Always remember, no matter how hard you try, there are some things in life that are inevitable; and one of those things is if you continue to try to hold things in a container that is already full, eventually it is going to pop. That's where I am right now; and that is why I have chosen to take the lid off and let some of the garbage out. My challenge for you today is that you do the same. Take care of yourself. You are the only you you have and nobody is going to love you like you love you.